My ADHD journey and what to expect at an ADHD assessment
This is a long-read blog post. I’m very aware of the irony, that it’s a lengthy post about ADHD. I know that 90% of people reading this with ADHD, may not be able to stay focused. for this whole blog.
So here are the highlights:
I thought I may have ADHD.
I do.
It makes me who I am.
The end.
The background
Last year both children were diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). I had been reading a lot about ADHD and it really resonated with me. But I had just dismissed it. ADHD tends to run in families and research shows that parents of a child with ADHD, are more likely to have ADHD themselves.
During the children’s ADHD assessment, the psychologist asked if I had ADHD too. I’m not sure if it was my constant talking, very long answers or constant fidgeting that made her think that, but I mentioned that I had been looking into it. I had done lots of online tests to see, but just thought everyone thought they’d burst if they didn’t speak or want to scream if they couldn’t move. ADHD is often seen as something that only naughty 7-year-old boys have. Even my children, at a glance, don’t act like stereotypical children with ADHD to the outside world. When it comes to adults with ADHD, it’s something that’s only been discussed in the last 20 years. It’s all very new.
Right To Choose
The psychologist that had diagnosed the children, suggested that I went to Psychiatry UK for an official assessment from a qualified psychiatrist. If you are looking at getting assessed, definitely read about Right To Choose. Book an appointment with your GP, ask for an adult ADHD assessment and then you will have the right to choose where you go for it. You can choose Psychiatry UK (we aren’t in partnership with them but have had two positive experiences) if you want to and won’t have to pay for your appointment.
Before the assessment
After months of thinking about booking an appointment, browsing the website, choosing a date and then changing my mind (another ADHD trait!), I decided to finally take the plunge. I booked online for my appointment with the psychiatrist and I had to wait less than two weeks for my ADHD assessment.
I wasn’t worried about whether I had ADHD or not, but what I was worried about was that if I was diagnosed with ADHD and told anyone that they would ‘eye roll.’ I was and still am concerned that people only think I only wanted to get diagnosed, to fit in with my neurodiverse family. This has really played on my mind as to whether or not I want to share my diagnosis.
Evidence
Before my assessment I had to fill out lots of diagnostic forms, asking for numerous examples with things I’ve found difficult and struggled with, from my adult life and also my childhood. Examples had to be in a work situation and home life too. To be diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, you have to have had a certain number of symptoms present and they also have to have been there, when you were a child. So talking too much, regularly forgetting to unload the washing machine or finding some things too overwhelming, like replying emails or returning phone calls, doesn’t mean you have ADHD. People with ADHD need to show a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity–impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development.
The diagnostic forms also included my husband Kelly’s input too, asking him for specific examples of my behaviour. As Kelly handed me the form, he said ‘I hope you aren’t offended!’ It was an honest account of what I’m really like. Nothing that I didn’t already know thankfully.
What to expect
The ADHD assessment was held online and after saying hello, the psychiatrist asked if I had my photo ID on me. I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. I had read all of the instructions I had been sent beforehand a number of times, about what I had needed on the day. However I didn’t remember reading anything about ID. I ran off to grab my purse and driving licence. I came back and apologised. The psychiatrist reassured me that this was really good for him to see. It showed that as hard as I had tried to get organised, it hadn’t quite gone to plan.
He then asked me a number of questions, referring to the results from my diagnostic forms too and asked about my mental health too. At the end of the appointment he said ‘I can confirm you do have ADHD.’
Types of ADHD
Having done lots of reading I knew that there are three main subtypes of ADHD - hyperactive, inattentive and combined. I asked which type of ADHD I had. The psychiatrist confirmed I had combined ADHD, scoring very highly in both inattentive and hyperactive symptoms. He said I had severe ADHD and that I’ve done really well to achieve all that I have during my life. Explaining that I would have had to work five times harder than someone without ADHD, to achieve the same things, which made me feel really quite emotional.
Some of the traits of my ADHD include:
Talking non-stop – my mum said I learnt to talk at 18 months and never stopped!
Super excitable
Always on the go
High energy
Impulsive
Switches from one activity to another quickly
Always saying yes to things
Gets bored easily
Spontaneous
Time blindness
Starts hobbies and projects but never finishes them
Tons of ideas – the list goes on… and on and on!
I’ve been rumbled
Looking back, I’ve managed to fake it for years. Not knowing I was faking it at all. Kelly worked long hours in London or was away a lot, so I did everything at home. Life admin, bills, birthdays you name it. So I was fully in control and if I forgot something, no-one knew!
Some things can just feel too overwhelming. Birthdays in particular I find hard. I get so excited about people’s birthdays and love to shop. I always plan ahead buying presents. But the thought of wrapping them, buying and writing a card, finding a box, going to the post office and finally sending it - is just WAY TOO MUCH. So instead the present sits on the side – looking at me. Waiting to be wrapped and sent. And I look like someone that doesn’t care about people’s birthdays, but it’s not the case at all.
Now I work with Kelly - I feel like I’ve been rumbled! He can see if I’ve forgotten to do something, or can see me constantly fidgeting. Kelly notices how quickly I change from one thing to another, or how much I interrupt him or how I’m so eager to share all my ideas with him. We’ve been together for nearly 20 years so this isn’t a huge surprise, but I think it’s been highlighted since launching Hudia. I also buy numerous planners and notepads in the hope that they’ll make me organised by osmosis - sadly it doesn’t work.
Looking back
I’ve heard a lot of sad stories from woman diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, saying their whole life they were told they weren’t good enough, some were called lazy, hopeless or useless when they were younger. They were told they were thick and should work harder. I feel very grateful that this wasn’t the case with me. My mum has always been super supportive with everything I do, so I have a really positive outlook.
I failed my maths GCSE not once, but three times. I just can’t get my head round maths. I’ve looked into this further and a lot of people with ADHD finds maths really difficult because of they find it hard to remember rules and formulas, or get distracted and whizz through making mistakes.
Since home schooling, maths is very much Kelly’s area. Even sometimes my son’s (Year 5) maths work takes too much brain power for me. I tried so hard for my A-levels and even harder for my degree. At the time, I remember thinking, no matter how hard I try I just can’t do any better.
Moving forward
I’m really grateful that at the age of 43 I have been diagnosed. It makes me think a lot and helps me to understand that when I was working so incredibly hard at university, my grades never improved. I had reached my potential and no matter what I tried, they didn’t improve. Now I understand why and I feel ok about that.
When I started writing this post, I didn’t mean for it to be so long. This is a classic example of how I talk in real life. Thanks so much if you’ve stuck through to the end. For me it’s about the benefits of having ADHD and sharing my story.
I honestly believe that if I didn’t haven’t ADHD I wouldn’t have achieved everything that I have done. I’m so spontaneous and impulsive, I say yes first, without thinking and then work out the details later. Thankfully in life and business, that has served me well so far.